GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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