We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
