He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
