dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize