just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize