I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
