I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
