Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
