I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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