After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
