My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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