i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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