in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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