I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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