I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
