we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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