Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
