I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
