At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
