i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
