i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
