I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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