we have pet lesbian snakes
operation harelip BJ is a go
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
