apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
