Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
