Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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