In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize