saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
