she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
