genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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