my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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