Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
