theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
