I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
