3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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