He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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