I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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