please come you make the beer taste better
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
