Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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