walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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