I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
