the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
