wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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