Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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