The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
