so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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