Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
