Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
