I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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