So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
