True but thats because hes a fetus.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
