I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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