Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
