I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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