My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Congratulations! We have a period
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
