So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You pole danced in your parka.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
