At least make sure they are 18
Why
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
