he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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