There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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