Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
