Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
