He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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