He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I need moral support for this bender
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
