a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
