Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How does it feel to date your dad?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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