8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
