my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
