It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
