my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
