Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
