The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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