Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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