I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
