Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
