P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
