I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
