so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
