The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
They have beer where we have blood.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
