Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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