i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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