I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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