the day after is always just damage control
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
