it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you never un-have a 4some
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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