Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
