i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
