I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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