And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
