Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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