I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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