i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
