Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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