She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize