Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
