how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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