why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
