You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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