dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
