if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
