so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
