she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize