I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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