And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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