All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
