i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
