So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We are two peas in an std pod
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sext me about skeletons
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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