The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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