Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
